A friend recently posted some personal thoughts about her relationship with her instrument and with music as a whole. I identified very closely with what she had to say, and felt that I would write about my perspective on why musicians continue to pursue the improvement of their craft every day. For her anonymity, I will not share my friend’s name. But I will share what she posted:
“As much as I love music, I’ve yet to build a healthy relationship with the violin after 16 years of playing. Practicing really intimidates me. What a complicated, beautiful instrument with endless capabilities. Who am I to attempt to give it musical justice? All I can do is try. How do I try better? Not self deprecating, just realizing the bigger picture of the art we call music. Anyone else have similar sentiments towards their instruments?”
Her message resonated with me, and I think many (if not most) musicians can agree that the struggle to do music justice is a very real one that the most self-aware of us attempt to tackle every day. I believe that every musician has frequent (or at least occasional) moments of doubt and personal crisis about their relationship with music. I liken this struggle to priests having crises of faith; in many ways, the calling musicians feel compelled to follow is very similar to that of a member of the clergy. Any musician who tells you he is always completely certain of the path he’s chosen to follow is either not being completely truthful or is a rare exception. As adamantly as any musician may profess their dedication to the craft, every musician has moments of doubt. This is understandable, as we live in a fast-moving world that constantly forces to question our choices. We are always made to ask ourselves if we are good enough to make music our life’s work. Furthermore, we are frequently made to ask ourselves: “Why am I doing this? What possible reason could I have to keep spending hours every day dedicated to this craft other than the fear of giving it up because of the time and effort I’ve given to it?” I doubt that I am alone in having these thoughts from time to time. But the most important moments in a musician’s life are ones when they hear or play something that they can feel from the very deepest parts of their soul. The daily routine of practicing scales and trying to find that perfect balance between bow weight, speed, and position may make the practice of playing an instrument seem arbitrary. However, the real fulfillment that we as musicians get from our jobs is realizing what this small part of the process contributes to music, and what music contributes to our existence as human beings.
When we step back and look at the big picture of what we as musicians are doing, I think we can all agree that the realization of what music is to humanity is what keeps us pursuing it day after day. Even when in-the-moment fulfillment is sparse, we still have the knowledge that what we do is beautiful and profound. In a world where our humanity is under attack every day by technology and disconnection from others, we are charged with protecting what little of that humanity we have left. It is a sacred task, and knowing that is what keeps me doing it.
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